Judicial Jesting Pillows

'Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as hostage.'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

A baby in court

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'They named special prosecutors to investigate each other.'

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

Justice 4 Ron

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

Portrait of a Serial Attorney.

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'

Arrogant junior barrister

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

Justice

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

'Yeah? -- Well, there's a thin line between being a strict constructionist and being a stupid jerk!'

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

Two lawyers in a royal court

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"Thank you, Nathaniel. I think you, too, are a very scary young lawyer."

"...And now show us what you said."

Disorder in the Court!