Judicial Jesting Pillows

'Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as hostage.'

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

A baby in court

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

Justice 4 Ron

Portrait of a Serial Attorney.

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'They named special prosecutors to investigate each other.'

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

Arrogant junior barrister

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

Justice

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

'Yeah? -- Well, there's a thin line between being a strict constructionist and being a stupid jerk!'

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

"Thank you, Nathaniel. I think you, too, are a very scary young lawyer."

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

Two lawyers in a royal court

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

Disorder in the Court!