Judaism Humor Lover Pillows

'Behold brethren, the promised land!'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'Do you think that's wise?'

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Fishing with God

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Have your people call my people."

"Lord, business is slow and I'm getting frustrated. If I change my name to 'Job' would that give me more PATIENTS?"

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

'Please take your receipt!'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

Moses and the bridge.

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

Quick, follow that star