Judaism Humor Lover Pillows

'Behold brethren, the promised land!'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Do you think that's wise?'

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Fishing with God

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Have your people call my people."

'Please take your receipt!'

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

"Lord, business is slow and I'm getting frustrated. If I change my name to 'Job' would that give me more PATIENTS?"

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

Quick, follow that star

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

Moses and the bridge.