Judaism Humor Fan Pillows

Reb Berel had always been proud of his beard...until Reb Feivel arrived.

Torah-nosaurus Rex

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

Dogma

Noah's life jacket demonstration

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'More government surveillance!'

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."