Jewish Humor Enthusiast Pillows

Look who's religious all of a sudden

You Got Schmutz On Your Face

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Moses' Tablet

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Oymoticons

Trappist Monk Discord

"You call this a constitution?"

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

'What does it say, Dad?'

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

HELLth Food Sprouts

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Have your people call my people."

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'