Joyride Junkie Gifts

"Stop it!"

The Victors

World Tour.

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"You can get good cards but still have terrible luck."

"Let's take in a trial."

Upholding the Law

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'It doesn't matter if my client is guilty.. the book and movie deals are pouring in!'

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

'I had no idea there was a local ordinance against taking the Fifth Amendment!'

"I plead guilty, Your Honor, but only in a nice, white-collar sort of way."

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

Swimming Champion.

Kangaroo jumping rope.

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)

"Well? How was your first bungee jump?"

'What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you're dead.'

"Let's give those new bulbs a try."

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

"What about your precious opposable thumbs now?"

Henry was hoping nobody would notice that he had lost his helmet...'

'Remind clients to come prepared for their initial consultation with documents, names, addresses, checkbook, credit cards, cash.'

Judge has work boxes labeled Sustained and Overruled.

"I've always said: For that satisfying sense of inclusion, you can't beat a class action suit."

Lawyers chasing a sacrificial lamb.

Lady Justice using metric scales.

'We deliver all the justice you can afford.'

Don't Forget To Tip Your Justice

The door to the office of the New York State Attorney General with a sign that reads "Gone on a fishing expedition".

"Before I read our verdict, I'd like to announce that as soon as court adjourns, some of us will be appearing on television to discuss the case, and we hope you'll all tune in."

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."

"And what did you do when the defendent allegedly entered your home?"