Jovial Saver Pillows

'Pay bills, stick to a budget, plan ahead.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Candid Camera store.

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'The Saxon King' pub

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

Complaints Desk

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

'Listen, pal, Happy Hour was over ten minutes ago.'

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

"You can't fake throwing sticks this many times and expect to just waltz in here, Mr. Federman."

"Watkins would like to know if he can leave a few minutes early...he claims he's dying."

Gentleman wanting to know exactly how much he owes his butler

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

'Every year was the same. There was always some clown or comedian in Brian's intake of pupils.'

"Oh my....Look how much you've grown."

"I don't care what they do, as long as they don't mess with the thirty-two-ounce martini."

'Apparently he does 20 yards to the pint.'

'You have a 24-hour virus? Sorry, sir -- we just work an 8-hour day here.'

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

'Rudolf?'

Ad agency

"I moved here just six months ago and already I'm part of the local color."