Jovial Jurist Gifts

Off the wall legal advisor.

You're awfully cheerful for someone who's about to lose a murder case. You must have me confused with my client.

Leonard L. Lipchitz: Sending the Law since 1972

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"I'll go to my room and do my homework, but I want time and a half."

"I'll get my 10,000 steps in tonight!"

Family doing circus trick heading to the circus.

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

Celebration in operating theatre.

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

"OK, I'll tell you what I know, but I can't reveal my source."

"So, is it like a foursome then, miss?"

Artist angry at jogger running through his painting.

"It's important to learn numbers. Then you can have a pin number and get money from ATMs."

Going Shopping Together.

"Tell me more about these abandonment issues."

'You called for tech support?'

Enthusiastic man

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

"Who do you want to sue when you grow up?"

"I was very good...delicious in fact."

'Dear Customer - Due to economic cutbacks, this year we have produced a 'Round Robin' Christmas Card...'

hoovering husband

Why did you think the prenup lawyer gave me such a good deal?

'Pinky swear doesn't cut it anymore. My attorney has a few documents for you to sign.'

'Let's play Doctor - You be the patient, you be the surgeon, and I'll be the mal-practice attorney.'

Technically Speaking

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

"Look Fred, are you going to play, or are you just going to clown around?"

'Doreen's been all over me to paint the house and Phillip wouldn't stop bugging me for a new trampoline, so...'

"Oh, yeah! Well, your mother doesn't know a molecule from barnacle."

'Good news. Even though you've been spending way beyond your means, the IMF is giving you a bailout. It seems you're too big to fail.'