Jovial Jobber Pillows

"Watkins would like to know if he can leave a few minutes early...he claims he's dying."

'I'm very impressed with your new butler, Charles. He carries himself well.' (A butler carrying himself in the air).

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Growth Charts

"I'll get my 10,000 steps in tonight!"

"The trees are laughing at us."

"These meetings bring out my creative side. How's this for the boss?"

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

Clown Wedding with Rake

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

'Rex here, is just like one of the family.'

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Complaints Desk

Death Photobombs a Holiday

Family doing circus trick heading to the circus.

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

Pie chart of pub conversations

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

You know what I like about our meetings? There's always more finger pulling than pointing.

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

"I'm Walter Grimes and I approve this drink."

'Wow...you must have had a really bad day, eh, mate?'

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

"And now for the 'piece de resistance!'"

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

Hot Cross Bun

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

"I'm doing better. The voices in my head can now access my email."