Jovial Astronomer Pillows

Mooning Moon

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

Family doing circus trick heading to the circus.

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

'Sorry, I already have a Comet!'

'In the event you suffer from Montezuma's Revenge, there's a TV in every bathroom.'

"Tell me more about these abandonment issues."

Explorer's Club: 'Rule one - when you eat a hamburger, don't ask what's in it!'

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.

'Look, director, there it is again. It appears every spring.'

"I was very good...delicious in fact."

'Dear Customer - Due to economic cutbacks, this year we have produced a 'Round Robin' Christmas Card...'

"I count 4,392,292,293,291, how about you?"

Technically Speaking

"Look Fred, are you going to play, or are you just going to clown around?"

'Doreen's been all over me to paint the house and Phillip wouldn't stop bugging me for a new trampoline, so...'

'Good news. Even though you've been spending way beyond your means, the IMF is giving you a bailout. It seems you're too big to fail.'

'I grew up in the drug culture but now I get the same effect by standing up too fast.'

Does your good modd get on everybody's nerves? Get brought down by a grouch pro an be popular again!

"How do you pay for all your carry-ons?"

"Time to blow out the candles. Take a deep breath....Ok. Let's try something easier. Take a shallow, raspy breath."

'Now hook him in the lip and give it a yank'