Jovial Economist Pillows

'Good news. Even though you've been spending way beyond your means, the IMF is giving you a bailout. It seems you're too big to fail.'

Technically Speaking

'Dear Customer - Due to economic cutbacks, this year we have produced a 'Round Robin' Christmas Card...'

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'I know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about the bears and the bulls.'

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"I'll go to my room and do my homework, but I want time and a half."

"So much for password protected."

"Dad, this is Wendy, she's going to re-negotiate my allowance!"

'I've crunched the numbers and you can afford to increase my allowance by 15.5%.'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"We've decided to diversify our funds on some candy!"

'I can't afford to absorb the overhead anymore!'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"I think you should provide a 401(k) with my allowance."

I'd like to request a transfer to a household offering a higher allowance and fewer choices.

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

Leonard L. Lipchitz: Sending the Law since 1972

'I got that, Ms. Rafferty... now can we get on to student loans?'

"Would you like a glass too? They're five bucks."

'I already know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about investing my allowance for capital appreciation.'

'This isn't the dollar I deposited!'

'Sixty percent of my income is from newspaper delivery, 20% from odd jobs, and 20% from allowance.'

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks-- When do I get paid'

"But it's helping me learn my math!"

"So, is it like a foursome then, miss?"

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

'You've handled your allowance responsibly for three years so we're cutting it by three percent and requiring you to pay a share of your health care expenses.'

'Stocks tumbled on the news Santa's credit rating was downgraded.'

Off the wall legal advisor.