Jovial Economist Pillows

'Good news. Even though you've been spending way beyond your means, the IMF is giving you a bailout. It seems you're too big to fail.'

Technically Speaking

'Dear Customer - Due to economic cutbacks, this year we have produced a 'Round Robin' Christmas Card...'

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'I know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about the bears and the bulls.'

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

"I'll go to my room and do my homework, but I want time and a half."

"Dad, this is Wendy, she's going to re-negotiate my allowance!"

"So much for password protected."

"We've decided to diversify our funds on some candy!"

'I've crunched the numbers and you can afford to increase my allowance by 15.5%.'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

'I can't afford to absorb the overhead anymore!'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"I think you should provide a 401(k) with my allowance."

I'd like to request a transfer to a household offering a higher allowance and fewer choices.

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

Leonard L. Lipchitz: Sending the Law since 1972

"Would you like a glass too? They're five bucks."

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

'I got that, Ms. Rafferty... now can we get on to student loans?'

'I already know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about investing my allowance for capital appreciation.'

'This isn't the dollar I deposited!'

'Sixty percent of my income is from newspaper delivery, 20% from odd jobs, and 20% from allowance.'

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks-- When do I get paid'

"But it's helping me learn my math!"

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

"So, is it like a foursome then, miss?"

'You've handled your allowance responsibly for three years so we're cutting it by three percent and requiring you to pay a share of your health care expenses.'

Off the wall legal advisor.

'Stocks tumbled on the news Santa's credit rating was downgraded.'