Journalism Fan Gifts

He's a strange kid -- he has a William F. Buckley Pez dispenser.

The Fourth Little Pig

Saint George and the Drag Queen

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

Little Buttercup HMS Pinafore

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

This side is the gag reel.

Moby Dick

Malaprop Man! Adventures. Malaprop Man! Where have you been? At a stupor her comet confection! Did many of your fellow heroes show up? We had a great turnabout! Backman and the Incredible Bulk were there! So was Caption Americ, the Flush, Wander Woman and Plasterman! Very impressive. Who was the most popular with the fans? I think I was the main distraction! I have no doubt at all about that!

"Okay, quote me. I'm on the record."

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

Ask A Silly Question.

"But what's my motivation?"

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

Romulus and Remus

"Expedition log #57: Like the rest of the week, I expect today will be another uneventful day."

"Well, how was I supposed to know you were saving them for something special?"

A penguin's life is like endless summer camp, swimming and fishing all day every day!

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." It's okay for a first draft, Thomas, but it'll be much better if you make it rhyme!

"Although your discovery is very important, the consensus is that your article about it lacked suspense, and was completely devoid of humor."

President Putin.

Fiscal cliff

"I'd never have known the joys of a journal if my attorney hadn't insisted I keep one."

Pirates find out treasure is a piggy bank.

Rupert Murdoch in the mud.

Obtaining a degree in TV Broadcasting.

Bertolt Brecht

'You don't know how much it would mean to me if you could just jump.'

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

Iraq War Correspondency on a Budget

"Sorry, y'all — no locals. This is a tourists-only bar."

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

"Pop, tell me again how Jazz came up the river from New Orleans."