Journal Keeping Pillows

'Memoirs my arse!...It's all lies and you know it!'

'I'm making a note in my diary - you'll be out on the 5th of August 2040.'

"I'm taking detailed notes of everything, so I can tell my kids what things were really like when I was their age."

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

Stationers' sign leaking ink onto a passer-by.

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

What've you been up to since college, Lemont? Oh, I became a journalist … had a kid, blah blah … but I wanna hear about you, Rudy. Grigori Rasputin. How've you been all these years? How's your Uncle Mort? Are you a Russian spy? Boop boop boop. How'd that stomach-tumble-translator startup you founded in the nineties go? Wait ... what did you say you became? What do they have on President Trump? How's your cat? Boop.

'Sorry, but we're not compatible, Jim. You keep a diary, and I blog on the Internet.'

'Your night writing book, madam.'

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I think I'll keep a diary..."

James decided to stay in that night.

Professional woman in pub

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"Expedition log #57: Like the rest of the week, I expect today will be another uneventful day."

Dear Dairy

'Two men having a sword fight with large pen and pencil.'

'Lost Diary'

"How do you spell, asteroid?"

Today's alpha-lesson is "Keep a journal." The average person lets life pass them by. The events of their lives fade into nothingness. An alpha knows that long after they're gone, their thoughts and experiences will be of great interest to historians. That's not an original thought. I read it in the papyrus Randus Maximus XIV left in a safe deposit box after he helped conquer Judea.

Found pearls! No way I'm leaving. . . Amelia.

Fountain pen coming out of a man's head.

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

Summertime... When you go zero to 'booked up' in 3.5 seconds

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

"I'd never have known the joys of a journal if my attorney hadn't insisted I keep one."

"I haven't had smouldering, passionate sex for a while....could you put it in the diary for next week!"

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

"I'm just making a few behavioral notes in my journal, then I'll chase him."

"What was the point of writing a blog that nobody else could read?"