Jolly Gift-giver Pillows

"You're late!"

'Free gifts to every kid in the whole world? -- Are you a Keynesian or something?'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

Christmas Presents.

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

WC problem.

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

"I'd hate to see the flea big enough to wear those!"

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

"...now she's up tp a jumper a week."

Masky Christmas!

'They think I can walk on water.'

'Sure - They're still chocolates. It's just that the liver-shaped box was cheaper than the heart-shaped one.'

'Well, so much for climbing all the way up here to ask him about the meaning of life.'

'I did say we were going to give you transport...I didn't say what sort!'