Jolly Gift-giver Admirer Pillows

Lactose Intolerant

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

'Believe me, I understand.'

A sheep, a humming bird and a beetle - 'Baa, hum, bug'

He'll never melt. I made him from fast food milkshakes.

'First, let me apologize for suggesting you throw horseshoes as therapy.'

'Just what I wanted. Not!'

The gift of a family Christmas

Chilli Quartet

Acme Coffee Co.

Welcome centre

"C'mon, get up...it's Christmas! Let's go! There's presents to open!"

Santa saying to shrink - "I don't believe in myself."

Old lady posts adverts for fur gloves over poster of a lost cat,

"You paid to have a grain of sand named after me? You're such an idiot."

'Free gifts to every kid in the whole world? -- Are you a Keynesian or something?'

'I know we asked for a room with running water,but...'

Roo felt a little cheated with his new Christmas present.

'Money's no object, lad! Whatever you want, you can have, and everything's available in our fully stocked toy department on the third floor...'

"It's a gift for the tooth fairy so I used dental floss instead of ribbon."

Singing Father Christmases.

Mr James

'Next Father's day I'll buy you a tie instead of stealing a Ferrari.'

"Sorry Rudolph, this year I'm going with Steve and his sweet disco ball nose."

"Happy birthday!"

optician

"I don't think the new guy is working out."

"Santa gets away with it because it shakes like a bowl full of jelly, not beer."

It's the thought that counts: Totally useless gifts.

'You didn't chew, did you ?!'

'I may have a belly full of jelly, but trust me, no one is faster at going through ductwork.'