Jokes And Humor Lover Pillows

"Carl has decided that, with the economy being the way it is, he's going to be a stay at home son."

"We Never Say NO!"

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Larry's used art

Grace For Flies

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Why do they do that?"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

Fly Football

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"Hmm...well...It'll look better when it's finished...!"

"States of tofu"

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

Beach con-man.