Jokes And Humor Lover Pillows

"Carl has decided that, with the economy being the way it is, he's going to be a stay at home son."

"We Never Say NO!"

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Larry's used art

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Grace For Flies

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

"Why do they do that?"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

"Hmm...well...It'll look better when it's finished...!"

Beach con-man.

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

"States of tofu"