Joker Of The Card Table Gifts

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

'How about a game of cards?'

Joust Sharpener

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

Note Book

"It was a botched surgery."

'George, stop playing with the children.'

Unicyclist painting a ceiling.

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

"He claims to be self aware but he clearly can't read a room."

'Well, sure, two pair is nice but nothing beats five singles!'

"Let's change table stakes to vacation days."

'Lion!'

Mr Kettleband's humour was described as unique.

"I say this as a friend, Tom...we always know when you're bluffing!"

"And did you pack this bag yourself, sir?"

I think I have a 45-45 chance of passing my math class.'

'I'll see you kidney and raise you my liver.'

Hazing - In the Vienna Philharmonic

'The only thing I don't like about playing solitaire on the computer is you can't peek under the cards.'

'Honestly, I leave you alone for just a couple of minutes...'

"I studied ancient history while I was out sick. I read the magazines in my doctor's office."

At the National Whoopee Cushion Testing Facility.

Ideas before their time Telegraph office. You're wasting way too much time using that thing to forward jokes.

"Any other strengths?"

Frank was right not to trust statistics...the numbers lie!

"To be fair - he DID say he was going to rearrange your face...!"

"Believe it or not, but we're Batman and Robin off duty!"

Scientist juggling dangerous bacteria

95mph fastball.

Umpire School Taking A Ball Four.

'I see by your resume that you are my son. If this checks out, the job is yours.'

and Fernandez is going for his hat-trick...

I'm worried about our accountant...he's so scruffy!