Joke-teller In The Family Gifts

"No I don't have a motor bike - just a big angry missus!"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Shampoo.

Middle-Age Superheroes

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

How about going easy on the carbs

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

It's estimated that millions of trees are planted by forgetful squirrels.

Raised by Dogs

The only time cats are known to laugh.

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'But this is fantastic, professor! It's like no language I've ever seen before!'

"No! I am your father!" "Noooooo!"

'Our family has a dry sense of humor, and we don't laugh that much.'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Pull my finger! Zombie Humor.

Baxter Higgleton, word balloon artist.

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

"It's good news, Mrs Fenton - Your laughter is no longer infectious!"

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'