Joke Shop Employee Gifts

'Maybe we're pushing the staff too hard.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

He likes to make work fun

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

Corporate Ladder and Corporate Elevator

"Make sure the coffee has extra caffeine. I want the employees awake during overtime."

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

"Who's your daddy corporation?"