Joke Hoarder Pillows

"I plan to retire when bank robbery becomes legal!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Useless add-ons.

Suffering from Cooties?

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Irritable trowel syndrome.

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"Sorry I locked us out of the ship but if waving this cloth we found makes you happy. . . I'll be happy to do it."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Cheating Death.

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Shark infested custard!

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

Mexican Jumping Balls.

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

My daddy ate my homework

"Turn your head and cough."

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'Yeah, I slipped on a banana skin too...'