Joke Hoarder T-Shirts

"I plan to retire when bank robbery becomes legal!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Suffering from Cooties?

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Useless add-ons.

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"Sorry I locked us out of the ship but if waving this cloth we found makes you happy. . . I'll be happy to do it."

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

My daddy ate my homework

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Shark infested custard!

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Cheating Death.

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

"Turn your head and cough."

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'