Quirky Joke Collector T-Shirts

"I've decided to give up drinking, so I'll need a pint of ethanol and an intravenous syringe please barman"

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

"I don't care what the pet store salesman claimed. I don't think there's a 'well-camouflaged' chameleon on that leash."

Uniporn

County Morgue, free samples.

'I'm Dr. Pooches and I'll be your den...Oh, boy.'

Golly, only about ten bucks in charge...less than I thought.

I'm the taxman. Let me guess - your company hasn't made appreciable turnovers in recent times, right?

"It's okay, I've got diarrhea."

'I'd say your vision is being affected by an arrow through your head, but perhaps you'd like to get a second opinion from an eye specialist.'

'It's got really bad breath.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Useless add-ons.

Suffering from Cooties?

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Shark infested custard!

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Mexican Jumping Balls.

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.