Joke Enthusiast Pillows

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"Angina, I've already had that. Can't I have something else?"

'Joking or non-joking?'

Do you know what it means when all your financial statements are in red ink?' 'That it's time to change the printer cartridge?'

'I'm going to begin with a joke so we can get the humor out of the way.'

'Our CFO isn't available. He left the company to join the Witness Protection Program.'

'You're looking well.'

'Will that penny I accidentally swallowed when I was a kid count against me as unreported income?'

"An elephant is like a brush."

"It's all roadkill, and never a word about the chickens who get to the other side!"

'What's that?' - 'It's in case we have a power failure.'

'Why you should always stick to the script.'

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

'My goodness, Mr. Grtptzsk -- how long has it been since you had a vowel movement?'

"You're self-assessment form is a joke!"

'I heard somebody talking about the world wide web, phew! Can you imagine the size of the spider?'

'Can I get an order of fries with that?'

"Excuse me—does this joke need a lawyer?"

'So that's where he gets his jokes from!'

'I want a campaign that will fool some of the people some of the time and all of the people all the time.'

'Did I startle you?'

"I don't think it's anything serious"

'Do you honestly expect this court to believe, Mr. Chicken, that your only reason for crossing the road, on the night in question, was to get to the other side?'

'I've had him sectioned under the Mental Health Act.'

"I've heard a lot about you - all nutty, of course."

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

"Never mind your technology, in my day we had to deliver our jokes by hand!"

Laughter Therapy.

Audience given prompt to laugh: 'I don't think it's funny either - Now laugh!'

'I find that when I discuss my research online, younger students will read it if I close with a joke and write LOL.'

Man getting screwed by another man

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'

'It's finished, my masterpiece - wait...'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

"Are you the chap who phoned about a new light bulb?"