Jogger Jokers Gifts

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

Banana Split...

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"Bed Spread"

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

'What do you like about winter? I like these crisp, cold morning walks in the glistening snow.' 'I like how you can keep your extra beer outside.'

Jogging Bottoms

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

"I hate this time of year."

Photobooth Photobomb

"Slow down. I need another drink. Can we rest for a minute?"

'Bummer Dude! No waves. Moondoggie punked me!'

Tortoise and hare on treadmills.

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

" ... and if we finish pillaging early enough, we can still catch the evening Zumba class on the after deck."

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

'I've met you before...I'm not good with names, but I never forget a pace!'

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

'Are we having fun yet?'

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'

"I've been telling everyone how athletic you are."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Musclesnakes just swallow the dumbbells.

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

"I agree, it is important to look good, but wearing high heels during a workout may be a little counter productive."

False encouragement.

'The truth is, Gorillas don't even like bananas...They just love pratfalls.'

AL'S GYM, 'We're going to make a new man of you!' 'Will he have new credit cards?'