Job Title Enthusiast Pillows

Man: "I'm a freelance executive producer." Woman (thinking): "Unemployed."

'Well actually, I'm a plumber!'

Cleaning Executive and Legal Executive

"I have decided to change your title from Procurement Director to Director of Buying Things."

Why have you called the new post 'assistant deputy administrative project support? Because it sounded better than skivvy.

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

"I know you're the quote, 'company's envelope orderer', but change the acronym."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Get out there and keep your job!'

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...