Job Description Enthusiast Pillows

Perfect Job Description = Perfect Candidate

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

Resume Dumpers

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

'Get out there and keep your job!'

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

"I know you're the quote, 'company's envelope orderer', but change the acronym."

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'Of course you can make a great career here! Look at me - when I started working, I was just called 'dude'. Now, only 25 years later, they call me 'MISTER dude'!'

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"And someday, when you're a little further up the corporate ladder, maybe we'll let you meet J.R. himself!"

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'I received matching offers.'

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'