Job Security Strategist Pillows

'Why's Burl hiding in the back seat, Joy?'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

Something tells me his current firm aren't going to be happy to let him go!

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

Redundancies

I don't like the looks of this.

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to find another way of showing how crucial you job is, Johnson!'

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

'But Tom, you AREN'T being marginalized. You're being fired. There's a difference.'

'I discovered just as much work gets done when you're not there.'

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

Thanks For Not Firing Me Cards