Job Security Sage Pillows

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

Worker Rights and the Smoking Ban

"No, I'm not writing a short story. That's my password."

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

"Your Honour, Counsel submits the emails are admissible on the basis that anyone could have guessed the password."

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

Redundancies

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

'The best thing about working here is that nobody is irreplaceable.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to find another way of showing how crucial you job is, Johnson!'

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

I don't like the looks of this.

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'