Job Security Sentry Pillows

Worker Rights and the Smoking Ban

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

37 years in the same position.

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

Nuclear Security Summit

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

"What do you mean 'upgrade' the server? The old one works just fine."

Redundancies

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

I don't like the looks of this.

'I'm afraid you'll have to find another way of showing how crucial you job is, Johnson!'

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."

'I discovered just as much work gets done when you're not there.'

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

'But Tom, you AREN'T being marginalized. You're being fired. There's a difference.'

Thanks For Not Firing Me Cards

"The good news is that I'm still here after the boss cut our department by 33 percent."