Server Sentry Pillows

"What do you mean 'upgrade' the server? The old one works just fine."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

'A cheeky red?'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Fast food. Even faster food

'Do you have any catsup?'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"You owe me five bucks."

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"I need to know who started it."

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."