Server Sentry Gifts

"What do you mean 'upgrade' the server? The old one works just fine."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'A cheeky red?'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

'Do you have any catsup?'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Fast food. Even faster food

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"You owe me five bucks."

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"I need to know who started it."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'