Job Security Jesters Pillows

"It's nothing personal—the way things are going, we just don't need as many abductees."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

Worker Rights and the Smoking Ban

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'That's part of out in-house, stress management program...'