Job Security Jokester Pillows

'I don't think I have much to fear from the latest cuts.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

He likes to make work fun

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

"A wage increase to match inflation."

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

"This is Mr Johnson, the man who works under me."

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

Waste Management.

'Assume the position, Caruthers. I'm going to frisk you for a good idea.'

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

"I know eight hours sleep a day is normal... but not at work!"

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."