Job Security Humor Lover Pillows

"This is a family operation, Ben, and we're evicting you from our family."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"A wage increase to match inflation."

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

Redundancies

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

'The best thing about working here is that nobody is irreplaceable.'

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to find another way of showing how crucial you job is, Johnson!'

'Hello, security.'

'But Tom, you AREN'T being marginalized. You're being fired. There's a difference.'

'I discovered just as much work gets done when you're not there.'

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."