Job Security Jester Pillows

'But you said it was a job for life.'

"The boss kicked me up the corporate ladder and I fell off!"

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

I don't like the looks of this.

The latest trend in firing people.

Thanks For Not Firing Me Cards

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

'Simkins, you're fired!'

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

37 years in the same position.

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

"A wage increase to match inflation."

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'