Job Market Surfers Pillows

'The good news is I've got a part-time job. The bad news is I started the day with a full-time job.'

The Three Wise Queens

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

Ace headhunters.

The first case of resume padding.

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"Yes, I can use tools, but I realized early on I could earn more money as an accountant..."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

For sale

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

Now hiring.

'Are you free at the moment?'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"I wouldn't have any trouble staying awake. I just came out of hibernation."

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

Career advice from the boss

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!