Job Market Aficionados Pillows

'Right, we've worked out your work skills.'

The Three Wise Queens

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

Resume Dumpers

"Yes, I can use tools, but I realized early on I could earn more money as an accountant..."

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

'Are you free at the moment?'

Now hiring.

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"I wouldn't have any trouble staying awake. I just came out of hibernation."

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

'Tell me more about the obscene bonus package.'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

"I know you're a working dog, Angus. I just don't have anything for you right now."

'What went particularly well?'

Personnel,' Possible candidates'-'That'll be the day'.

"Why did you turn down the Easter bunny job?"

Very well, Mr Potter. I blinked first. You're hired.

"I can fit you into a small cubicle on the third floor if you think you can lose twenty pounds."

"On your resume, under Achievements, what do you mean by 'inspired by actual events'?"

Lying on your CV

'This is the worst resume I've ever seen!'

"Interviews are always stressful...this is his fourteenth....and they all turned him down!"

'You say in your resume that you pay meticulous attention to detail...'

'I like you, Zog, what you lack in polish, you more than compensate for in clout.'

'About this cv of yours...' - 'You can skip over the part about the potty training.'

'I'm looking over your resum?, there is one opening we have for you.'

"...I think you might be great for our management position."

"Hire me! Right now! Before the lightening pace of technology renders me obsolete!"

'Define living wage...'

"Yes, I do have a lot of management experience, but I won't be able to manage on the kind of salary you're offering!"