Job Market Enthusiasts Pillows

'The good news is that I'm prepared to offer you a six figure annual salary. The bad news is that it includes the decimal.'

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

The Three Wise Queens

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

"Yes, I can use tools, but I realized early on I could earn more money as an accountant..."

Resume Dumpers

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

Now hiring.

'Are you free at the moment?'

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'I received matching offers.'

"I know you're a working dog, Angus. I just don't have anything for you right now."

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

Personnel,' Possible candidates'-'That'll be the day'.

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'Who said honesty is the best policy?'

"Why did you turn down the Easter bunny job?"