Job Market Jitterbugs Pillows

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

How are you at decision making?

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Dolestart - A New Initiative

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

'The reason I have been able to keep my job through these turbulent times, is that I welcome change, especially if it's from a vending machine.'

"Ambitions... to make a career change from tourism to sales."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"We don't have a grievance committee, but we have a grieving committee for fired employees."

The world's most unemployable family

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Sorry, you're overqualified for this job.'

Now hiring.

'Restaurant' in bad need of staff

'I see an applicant being hired!'

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'