Job Hunting Mastermind Gifts

Swiss Cheese Factory. Did you get the job? Yes --- I finally found an employer who's impressed by all the holes in my resume!

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

"I believe we have a quorum for the meeting."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"The team needs LEADERSHIP, anyone have a view on that?"

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'With 5% spent on talent, 5% on production, and 90% on marketing...I smell WINNER!'

Carlo Ancelotti

"This is super. I asked for super-duper."

'You'll be starting out at the bottom.'

I'm buying a house. You're broke. So? the interest rate plans are amazing. The banks are giving money away. Besides, the housing market is going nuts. If I buy today, I can sell next year for a huge profit. I suddenly feel faint. You look ill, Mr. Powell.

'Our problem is, we do more blamestorming than brainstorming.'

"Today's top priority is prioritizing our priorities."

'It's the perfect time to move up the evolutionary ladder! The climate is stable, we have no natural predators, and interest rates may never be this low again!'

The imagery attacks the compalcency of the casual web surfer and uses a visual cacophony of discordant images to excite and enthusethe casual visitor...

"A Leading cosmetics company believes our drilling mud would ake an excellent skincare product."

I don't like the looks of this.

"We're targeting a specific demographic: the utterly clueless."

Jurgen Klopp Caricature

"To be honest, it's the same stuff just in different bottles!"

Management by committee: 'The buck stops here, here, here, here,,,'

Alex Ferguson

Digital Marketing

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

"Before I give you my resume, I'd like to know how thorough you fact check."

What are they complaining about...the work is challenging,interesting, demanding...AND we let them do it for 80 hours a week.

"The meeting's over but it's so close to the end of the day. Let's just use our collective inertia and run out the clock."

'No wonder the company is in trouble!'

"What choice do we have? I can't fire him. He knows too much."

"Well done, another winner, Haskins."

'Mommy, you'll never guess what. My hi-tech start-up just merged with a Fortune 500 company.'

Niche Marketing