Job Hunter Advocate Gifts

I'm his lawyer, here to defend inaccuracies in his resume.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Have you got a resume?'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

Now hiring.

"Wow, listen to that: "Do you have a pioneer spirit? Wolves needed for reintroduction into European National Parks"..."

"Raise your hand if you're the only one that's not getting let go."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

Are you able to concentrate on your work? My mind wanders a lot but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

Susan finally becomes assertive with her boss...