Job Hunter Advocate Gifts

I'm his lawyer, here to defend inaccuracies in his resume.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Have you got a resume?'

"Raise your hand if you're the only one that's not getting let go."

"Wow, listen to that: "Do you have a pioneer spirit? Wolves needed for reintroduction into European National Parks"..."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

Susan finally becomes assertive with her boss...

"Your employees have lost faith in your ability to pretend to care about them."