Job Farewell Gifts

'Apparently, I've been replaced by a $2.99 iPhone app!'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

Do Not Resuscitate

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"You had the power to leave all along - just click your heels three times, grab your coat, and sneak out without saying goodbye."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

'Let's send her a text message; 'You're FIRED!''

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"It's hard to keep good people."

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

"Goodbye, Cruikshank. We leave you to contemplate the wisdom of messing with big dog!"

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

Best Scapegoat

'Yeah, he was a good boss, and we'll miss him. Somebody kick his briefcase down there, too.'

"And watch out for the boss,he has a habit of creeping up on you."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

Brilliant suggestion Kimble, to get rid of all the deadwood around here - we'll miss you.

"I see you've flown around the world in a plane, and settled revolutions in Spain. Around a golf course you're under par. Metro-Goldwyn has asked you to star. Very impressive, I must admit, but we're looking for someone with marketing experience."

"Well, yes, we did have to downsize operations a bit ... "

Sunrise and Sunset

"Just go ahead. It's my last day here and I hate this place."

'All right, so you've prepared your resignation . . . let me have it!'

You realize, Harris, if you LIVED here, you'd be home by now.

"I see you have extensive wood chuckery experience."

"Rise. Genuflecting was only required during internship."

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'