Goodbye Gifts

Sunrise and Sunset

"Just go ahead. It's my last day here and I hate this place."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

Do Not Resuscitate

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

Fish evolving: 'Write, if you establish a niche.'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'Let's send her a text message; 'You're FIRED!''

"I know. I miss him, too."

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"Goodbye, Cruikshank. We leave you to contemplate the wisdom of messing with big dog!"

'Yeah, he was a good boss, and we'll miss him. Somebody kick his briefcase down there, too.'

"And watch out for the boss,he has a habit of creeping up on you."

Brilliant suggestion Kimble, to get rid of all the deadwood around here - we'll miss you.

"Hate to see you leave—you were my favorite puppet."

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

The Month of August

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

Your talk of promptness seems to have worked - everybody was out of here by one minute after five.

'Grief counselling'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

'As part of our severance package, you're allowed to take three smacks at this blow-up doll of the company CEO.'

'I'm sorry, Buzzy, but we're downsizing the hive...'

"Harper, we'd like you to become the company fall guy. The position comes with a generous severance package."

'I'll do half of it.'

"This is Abramson, our new piñata."

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.