Job Creation Enthusiast Pillows

'As a baby sitter, you shouldn't think of me as a bratty kid...think of me as a jobs creator!'

The Three Wise Queens

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

Vote Progressive: 'It's not the rich, it's people trying to get rich who create new jobs!'

Resume Dumpers

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

Now hiring.

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

'Get out there and keep your job!'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"And someday, when you're a little further up the corporate ladder, maybe we'll let you meet J.R. himself!"

'Of course you can make a great career here! Look at me - when I started working, I was just called 'dude'. Now, only 25 years later, they call me 'MISTER dude'!'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'