Job Creator Pillows

'I'd like a job as a job creator so I can create an easy, high paying job for myself.'

'Job creation department.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

How are you at decision making?

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

In and Out Sourced.

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Between Offices

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for