Jittery Jokester Pillows

Coffee-Rex: Even more irritable than a Tea-Rex.

"Merry Christmas"

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"I hate this time of year."

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Men dancing

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Elf of the Month

"Maybe this year..."

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

Cleaning the Horse

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

At The Clown Bank.

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

C is for Cracker

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'