Jittery Storyteller Pillows

'Tonight'sTopStory:Somebodydummpedcaffeineinthecity'swatersupply!'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"This is so fun - I've been wagging my tail so much my cheeks hurt!"

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

How I met your mother

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

Coffee-Rex: Even more irritable than a Tea-Rex.

"I feel like we're finally making progress."

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

Hog Futures

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

Centaur falls in love.

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

'Remember the book about the scary monsters, Honey? Well, your father's relatives can't hurt you, either.'

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'

The real reason the Christmas Truce didn't last.

'Excuse me officer. I'd like to report a U.F.O. sighting!'