Jittery Storyteller Pillows

'Tonight'sTopStory:Somebodydummpedcaffeineinthecity'swatersupply!'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"This is so fun - I've been wagging my tail so much my cheeks hurt!"

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

How I met your mother

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

Barry's fear of commitment crops up again.

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

"I feel like we're finally making progress."

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

Hog Futures

Centaur falls in love.

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

Coffee-Rex: Even more irritable than a Tea-Rex.

Chicken Funeral Planning.

Siegfried Sassoon

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

The real reason the Christmas Truce didn't last.

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'

'Remember the book about the scary monsters, Honey? Well, your father's relatives can't hurt you, either.'

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

Get Ahead

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"