Jewish Culture Lover Gifts

'Yeah, sure, a 'family outing'! I'm telling you, it's that time of year and he's eyeing my horns!'

Safer Torah

"Pishers and kvetchers reporting for duty."

'Your kind isn't welcom here.'

"What foul and wicked concoction brews here?"

"I don't care if it's his new year, that's my honey!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

Oymoticons

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Minyan Man! You've saved the day again!'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Christmas sweater alternatives

Did you find our menorah?

"What happened to the good old Jewish holidays when all we used to do was eat?"

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

'What, They're comfortable.'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

"'Frankenstein' is Jewish. I'm Irish on my mother's side because she was green, and an 'O' Houligan'..."

Biblical Jewish Medical Ethics

"First, do no ham."

The Exobus

"In 200 cubits, right-turn, then stay on the current road..."

"You think you're brave? I read Hebrew in front of a live audience."

'I'll let your people go, but making kosher box lunches for them is out of the question!'

"Listen, you'll take another break after Deuteronomy and I'll make you some chicken noodle soup."

Joe's Bar: Sorry, closed to the public due to on-premises 'Bar Mitzvah'.

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

'Not only did he say I can circumcise him, but he also said there'll be six more weeks of winter.'

"May your year be pear-fect."

"Together we are superspreaders of light!"

'The manna? Oh, the manna is great -- Now, about our housing problem....'

'What luck. It's Kosher.'