Jewelry Designer Pillows

"Do you ever have days when you just don't feel like designing jewelry?"

'I have no idea what earrings to wear with this.'

Bling.

"They're Karl Lagerfeld's cat's furballs."

"Mainly we supply material for nuclear reactors, electronics and costume jewelry."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

Diamond outfits

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

'Go ahead and laugh, but I lose my keys less frequently than you do.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

A Zircon Is Forever

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'Good morning pumpkin.' 'Good morning treasure.' A pile of treasure saying 'good morning' to a pumpkin

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

'We would like to buy three rings... Engagement, wedding and teething!'

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Posh Easter Egg

'...And this one comes with a magnifying glass so she can show it off to her friends.'

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

Cow and Milk

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."

"It was her mothers"