Jealousy Explorer T-Shirts

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

'And if I so much as look at another man, he goes ballistic!'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'If'n you don't stop talkin' to my honey, I'm gonna come down and kick the stuffin' outta you.'

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

Ghost School.

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"Call me!"

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

'I fell off the wagon, again... meat wagon that is.'

"It's not what you think."

"Estoy aqui abajo!" ( I'm down here!)

"...it was a bad idea getting them a kitten."

How long have you let this unhealthy obsession with family and friends interfere with your celebrity-watching?

Jealousy

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

"If it makes any difference, it's a remarkable piece of plagiarism."

"I love these quiet evenings at home battling alcoholism."

"My parents are nice, school's going well, and I'm basically a good kid. Unfortunately, there's no money or fame in being normal."

'The Pope has decided to issue another apology for not issuing an apology.'

Don't give up - Surrender.

"...I'd like a mass of opiates please."

'Wow, a sixty-four arrow quiver with built-in sharpener! I'm so jealous.' (First day at archery school.)

Jealous of a statue.

'Ever think that if you make another billion you'll be happy, and then you do, but you're not?'

'I'm going to be a lot more decisive from now on. Well... maybe not a lot more, but at least a little more.'

"She's cute, but she's eroding my power base."

'Now you know why they call it cowHIDE.'

"We can't insure your happiness, however we do offer an extended warranty on joie de vivre."

"Oh, he enraged at spotting yet another reference to 'Pot and Kettle' in a reader's letter."

My doctor advised me to start walking more.

"Do you ever worry about the growing gap between the sane and you?"