Jealousy Explorer Pillows

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

'And if I so much as look at another man, he goes ballistic!'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'If'n you don't stop talkin' to my honey, I'm gonna come down and kick the stuffin' outta you.'

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

Ghost School.

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"Call me!"

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

"Estoy aqui abajo!" ( I'm down here!)

"It's not what you think."

"If it makes any difference, it's a remarkable piece of plagiarism."

"...it was a bad idea getting them a kitten."

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

"I love these quiet evenings at home battling alcoholism."

"My parents are nice, school's going well, and I'm basically a good kid. Unfortunately, there's no money or fame in being normal."

Don't give up - Surrender.

'The Pope has decided to issue another apology for not issuing an apology.'

"...I'd like a mass of opiates please."

'Wow, a sixty-four arrow quiver with built-in sharpener! I'm so jealous.' (First day at archery school.)

"She's cute, but she's eroding my power base."

'I'm going to be a lot more decisive from now on. Well... maybe not a lot more, but at least a little more.'

'Ever think that if you make another billion you'll be happy, and then you do, but you're not?'

Jealous of a statue.

"We can't insure your happiness, however we do offer an extended warranty on joie de vivre."

"Oh, he enraged at spotting yet another reference to 'Pot and Kettle' in a reader's letter."

"Do you ever worry about the growing gap between the sane and you?"

Blindman's blind guide dog with its own guide animal

Biggest selling fly cereal on the market.

'Well, that'll be an expensive bit of fun, buddy!'

"...good night lube, good night lair, good night noises everywhere."

"Oh, go on. Let them have a go at shooting the cigarette out of your mouth... I mean, it's not like it'll matter if they miss and accidentally hit you."